I have one husband and two kids because the other way around is illegal.
My least favorite memories:
- Giving birth to my son, Rob: 16 hours of labor, a C-section, and CPR for my son. Then fast-forward two years . . .
- Infertility treatments. A nurse trained my husband to give me shots using real drugs, a real needle, and an orange because poking an orange feels similar to poking human skin. Fast-forward 6 years . . .
- Adopting my daughter, Jenny: 6 months of paperwork, two national and two state governments, and a 16-hour flight to China with seats right next to the lavatory. (500 passengers on a 767 jet make frequent use of the lavatory.)
My favorite memories:
- Getting to know my son after his heart began beating again in the delivery room. (He owes me big time for that little drama.)
- Getting to know my daughter after we got back on Western Hemisphere time. Also: When we got home from China, bending my neck around so I could drink straight from the bathroom faucet. You can’t drink water from the faucet in China. Well, you can, but the best advice is, don’t drink the water. Don’t get me started on wet markets. We never visited one. Or maybe we did because I saw live eels for sale at a Wal-Mart in China.
- A husband, Chip, who would rather not be mentioned on this site. He’s a behind-the-scenes, “Let me just run the numbers for you” person.
- several moles that a dermatologist is watching
- a family history of colon cancer, so I’ve already had 5 colonoscopies which are good for writing material
- A seminary degree. Interesting fact: Jesus was a hippie before hippies were cool. He wore sandals, but he didn’t do LSD. He loves Jimi Hendrix and Madonna and Styx. He thinks Pat Benatar should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame by now. Duh.
- the assistant editor of Presbyterian curriculum
- really glad I didn’t have a colonoscopy during the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020
- the slave of a cat with anger management issues resulting from his relationship with his mom. He’s on Prozac. Not kidding.